Its official, the craving is so intense that it seems to overtake everything that is me, my whole entire being, everything that I am… it succumbs me to the point of breaking. I want to cancel my subscription to Drama with haste, no notice period, pronto zonto.
I don’t like talking about my drama of which there has been more than enough, it bores even me so I can’t imagine the poor souls that read about the megre offerings and dollops I share. This visa thing is just another hurdle and due to its nature I can’t really talk about it in “open air” as they say but rather just mention it screws everything up to the point that I am once more in limbo without a paddle or a snorkel.
I am actually surprisingly ok with it but the people in my life aren’t, it has upset those I care about to the point that they can’t sleep, they can’t look at me without thinking that I won’t be coming back and the darkened mood steals my energy like a life sapper. It’s not their fault and I can see where they are coming from but staying positive is what I do, what I have to do period.
Where this year will end only the puppet master knows, whether I have my sanity at the end of it is a totally different question whose answer I can’t honestly tell you. Sorry for being quiet, for the reflections and the random odd, beyond odd communications at times… this week… it has been one for the books, one of those “gone on vacation to hell” types.
Oh God, I wish someone could tell me its going to be ok, I wish someone would tell me where I will be in a year from now and not have to pull every worn faith string I have in my hands. Life never works with certainty all that well, I’m not complaining just merely asking for a time out from drama and in its place peace, pure unadulterated peace.
I am free yet constrained by new more exciting leather straps that dig into my heart’s skin.
Oi vey
One step at a time, one step for sanity and another for peace, just one at a time…
If I make little to no sense it is because I am still looking for it myself
Oh boy.. I so know where you are at..
Know I am here for you – in whatever capacity you need..
Sending you huge, ginormous hugs..
“This too shall pass…”
xxx
I am with Fibi all the way; I am here for you, here for you, and here for you……whether you are here, or there, or anywhere.
You need to stay present and positive as much as you can, as much as you need to lean, it really is okay. You have a lot of open arms waiting to embrace you, in cyber or for real…….
Make a list of the good things going on, and then one of the bad stuff. Decide which one of those lists to focus on and throw the other one away. I’d recommend focusing on the good stuff. And to that list you can add this embracing hug from me. *hug*
lol
just give it a kick and will start 
(ya well assembled P.C 
) 
i’m just sending you big big hugs!!! And I completely agree with your “I cancel my Drama subscription”. No more. Tired. Tired. Tired.
Big hugs you!!! and some fairy lights!
Aw, San, I know it doesn’t help and I know that there’s no way on earth that I can know this but… It WILL be ok. Because, as you know, it always ends up being ok, even if for a while it’s hard and unbearable.
.
I hope you tell us when you can about why you’re off to the US and for how long and if you’ll be abandoning us in the meantime
It has always worked out the best for you…no matter in the earliest sense it doesn’t..!! But somehow you do have blessings in disguiseee big sisttaa…!!! We are here for here..and I vouch for it!!!
{Though, I am not completely updated with what is happening…guesss, I will be soon about it as well}
You know what, San? The thing about someone telling you that everything will be ok? Think back to all the “drama” and terrible, horrible times in your life…you got thru them, didn’t you? And ultimately everything was ok…and ultimately everything WILL be ok. I promise you.