Life seems pretty scary right now but there are so many exciting things that are coming your way. Just you wait and see, you are going to be SO excited and surprised!
This is a long letter I know but it is an important one so read carefully and bear with me.
Yes, I know that this is a scary time for you in the "hair" department, let me assure you that you won’t have the problems you have now. Yip you got it, your biggest wish in the hair department will come true! When you are older your hair won’t stick up!!! I know that they punish you now, that your hair misbehaves and upsets the adults but one day, one day hun, no one will give a poodles doodle whether it sticks up or not.
Oh and you may alternate with different shades of blonde. Yes one day it will be ok to walk into walls, one day you will be normal. Sadly, no, your nose will never straighten out and you will always be ripped off about it being a world class ski-ramp. One day you will be all grown up and not care, just you wait and see.
Now I know this might scare you, you are only 7 now but next year something bad is going to happen. Don’t be scared and remember what they told you, always remember what they told you. Everything that is going to happen to you is for a reason. Be strong, you will get through this and the punishments will end, even though you aren’t allowed to tell anyone, even though you have to hide the marks, one day you won’t have to worry, one day you won’t have to hide your body anymore. When you’re all grown up you will realise that you have nothing to be ashamed of, one day you will realise that you are perfect just the way you are.
One day you will realise that people will love you for who you are, for your heart and for your soul. You must know now that you won’t always have to take what they give you, you will be old enough to turn around to them and tell them to go play with themselves for a change. Oh yes, one day you will see that you are perfect just as you are.
There are some rough times ahead, I will not lie to you. There will be times when your very survival instinct is tested to the extreme. Know this though, one day you will be old enough to tell the monsters to leave you alone, one day you will be able to turn your back on them and say thank you but no more. No matter how many times they tell you that you are pathetic, that you were a mistake, know that they are lying. No matter what they call you, what they say you are, don’t believe a word of their lies. You are special and you have a strength within you that can do anything, a strength that can survive anything. They will try to beat you down, they will try to kill you and to put you in a box, don’t let them get you down, don’t let them take your spirit.
Things are going to happen to you in your life that are lessons for your soul, some are going to be really hard to swallow, some will be like the best cheesecake in the whole wide world.
Although it doesn’t seem like it now you will one day meet the most amazing angels, human angels, a lot like the ones that are with you always, like the colourful ones. I know its shocking, yes perhaps you should sit as I tell you a little bit about your future and these angels.
They will come into your life when you have just about had your last hope and dream shattered, when all has been ripped apart and your heart lies on the chopping board. I know that sounds like a horror movie, wait. These angels they will come to you and they will write little stories of hope, of inspiration and wisdom, there will be funny stories, questions and answers. They will take you into their hearts and they will see you for who you really are. When they see the real you they won’t run away, sure some people won’t like you but that is ok, there are REAL people in the world.
See I warned you to sit and I know it is really hard to believe that these people will love you for who you are. I know and understand why it is hard for you, time will show you, time will prove to you just remember to be open to seeing and learning the lessons. Each time these human angels are nice to you, you will have the strongest urge to run not trusting their love, don’t, fight it with all your might. No one can hurt you anymore, no one, you will be old enough to see that there are no ulterior motives. Yip there are more people like you out there, people who give without expecting to receive.
When you are really low these people will offer something to you that will rock your world, rock your inner beliefs and change your life forever. Don’t be scared, don’t be untrusting, these people did it with good hearts. They will not hurt you, it is safe to trust their generosity. You will feel like you can not have your heart broken anymore, one more and you will die, when that happens remember to take the risk, remember to breathe and remember who these people are. They are not the people in your past, these people are in your future, remember that.
Now because I am nice, as you know, I will warn you what one of your hardest lessons in life will be. It will not be the knife attack, it won’t be the abuse or the sleeping on the streets, it won’t be the self electrocutions as you try to put a plug together, running away from a hippo. No it will be none of all the bad things. It will shock you but this lesson will be from something good, something totally unexpected and it will be very hard. The lesson will be understanding why people have gone out of their way to help you, you will fight with this one until you finally realise. You will realise it is because you aren’t so bad, because they care and because you are worthy.
Yes, that is the rough part, I warned you it was harsh. You are worthy. Don’t worry, yes, you will try and work out a way to thank all of them. They will be surprised in how you do it but they will have to wait and see.
Believe it or not you will one day get to a point where you sit and write this letter to a younger version of you and you will say to yourself with the biggest smile on your face: "I will go through every single moment in my life, every single scar inside and out, if it means I will get to meet these amazing human angels again". I know it may be hard to understand because you are still only 7 going on 90 but it will happen, just you wait and see.
I think you will be quite proud of the person you become, you may be a little shocked at some of the things and no, you will never like needles. Yeah, they’ll try to take your blood and you will bolt it, you run girlfriend! Stay away from M&M’s they are addictive and if possible, to save yourself a whole bunch of trouble, don’t start smoking. Yurgh! Yeah you deny it now but you will try it, DON’T DO IT!
Never forget that lesson they gave you when they came to you. There is always ying and yang, the wheel always turns. You can survive anything in this life as long as you have humour and love, the two essential things in life.
Always be true to yourself and never stop dancing in the rain when no one is looking… when you’re older you won’t care if they look.
Dance
DANCE
Love,
San
[age undisclosed]
P.S. When you go for that license just be careful of that woman standing next to that pole. Please take this seriously and stop laughing, you always laugh at the strangest of things. You will knock this woman over if you aren’t careful, there will be big chaos and you will FAIL your drivers test because of it. No, traffic officers DO NOT like to be knocked over ok. Oh and wear your seat belt.
P.S.S. Through it all never stop loving the humans and what ever you do avoid the dog that will one day run in front of you as you attempt to run down the garden path. Cute dog but flying through the air not so good for the knees ok.
P.S.S. You have something on your nose, you will still get ice-cream on it when you are an ancient.
P.S.S.S. I lied about the hair not sticking up part, sorry.
P.S.S.S.S. Here is a song for you from the future, hope you like it.
This letter was inspired by DM’s Dear Me In 1973
